~sapatos

I was talking to a friend of mine a few days ago. We were on our way to alabang to have a few drinks and I never thought that this topic would pop out. I guess I kinda expected it even just a bit coz we always talk about serious stuff when we are together. Well here goes…

Our conversation started out with the topic “sapatos.” At first its kinda weird but as our conversation continues I got really really really interested. this sapatos represents a person, it can be someone you love etc. again its so weird but as you connect everything up you’ll end up with an open mouth thinking…. “Tangina! Onga no?”

She started by using a scenario:

You went to a mall and you saw the perfect pair of shoes. The perfect one you have been looking for, for a very long time. The problem is, it’s the last pair and its not your size. Would you buy it and force your feet in it? or settle for the next best pair wherein you’ll feel comfortable in it but you don’t like it as the first one?

Yeah its just a plain and simple question. But if you’ll take a look at it twice, if you’ll just read between the lines you’ll feel what I felt that time. The best pair is the one you really like. She is the best thing for you, she have everything you’ve been looking for in a girl but the thing is, she does not come in your size… you can’t be together or you are just not for each other. Would you pursue this love of yours even if it doesn’t fit? Would you force yourself for her love? Would you walk with that pair when you know in the end of the day you’ll end up with blisters on your hurting feet? Would you go all that trouble just to wear that pair?

Then here comes the follow-up question. Would you settle for the next thing? This person is the one who’s always there for you. Always there to comfort you. Always ready to love you and give herself to you. She’s always there waiting for you to even notice her an take her.

And so, I answered the question. i said that I’ll settle for the next best thing. I feel that my answer has been greatly influenced by my principles as an international relations major. Not getting the best thing doesn’t mean that you’ll be left empty-handed. Therefore, you should settle for your next best pay-off which is purchasing the next best pair.

Then she again followed another question up:
Q: what if you bought the next best thing and after a week when you got back to that store the pair that you really want is finally available in your size. Would you still settle for the next best pair that you hastily bought. Or go again for the best?

Then BOOM! I was suddenly speechless. She has a clear and direct point that left me with a wow! God! Aver hard question. let’s look at it in different views. Choosing the next best thing, which you now have, will not let you maximize your pay-offs or get the one that your heart really desires. You’ll be left with thoughts of, if I only I went for the one I really have. Next view is, you choosing the ONE, the one you really like, the one who has after a while finally became right for you, not ready to love you. Now that you got the one, the one that has been running in your dreams, what would you do with the next best pair that you hastily bought? Would you keep it? wear it sometime? Or simply just forget you ever bought it? that’s the problem you’ll just hurt the one who is willing to love you from the start, the one who has been there all these time the one who loves you with all her heart…. What would you do?

Then just now, while writing this a thought suddenly came into me.
Q: would you prefer loving someone and be hurt by her or being loved by someone and in hurting since you don’t love her back?

This question has been around for a very long time. and for me its really hard to answer. Mine is just derived from it. it goes:

Q: would you love someone who doesn’t love you back or being loved by someone whom you don’t love?

See, its really hard to answer but I think I have one for myself. For me, I think I’d choose the latter part. Coz, I have loved before. I loved her really really badly, with all my heart. The thing is, I wasn’t loved back. And its so hard. Its so so hard. I felt the pain. And of course you can’t do anything with it especially when his person is in love with someone else. I don’t’ want to be hurt again. I know my answer is really selfish and I cant do anything more. I choose the one who loves me. Now although I don’t love her… “natututunan naman ang magmahal” maybe I could learn to love her back. Its been a long time since I felt loved… get me? The thing is…what if, what if the one I love is finally able to love me back? SHIT! And I’m back on the start!

Love is a very tricky game. You never know if you’ll win or if you’ll lose! It’s a game of chance, a game of guts! You have to play using your instincts since the game of love doesn’t have rules. The prize of winning is the best thing life could give you but the penalty of losing is HELL!