My Thoughts`


January 2006 February 2006 March 2006

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March 2006
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12 13 14 DERECHO Santugon DERECHO Santugon DERECHO Santugon18
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de La Salle University
Ateneo de Manila Law School

April 1, 2006
the BIG day
that could change everything

[Wednesday, March 15, 2006]

I was talking to a friend of mine a few days ago. We were on our way to alabang to have a few drinks and I never thought that this topic would pop out. I guess I kinda expected it even just a bit coz we always talk about serious stuff when we are together. Well here goes…

Our conversation started out with the topic “sapatos.” At first its kinda weird but as our conversation continues I got really really really interested. this sapatos represents a person, it can be someone you love etc. again its so weird but as you connect everything up you’ll end up with an open mouth thinking…. “Tangina! Onga no?”

She started by using a scenario:

You went to a mall and you saw the perfect pair of shoes. The perfect one you have been looking for, for a very long time. The problem is, it’s the last pair and its not your size. Would you buy it and force your feet in it? or settle for the next best pair wherein you’ll feel comfortable in it but you don’t like it as the first one?

Yeah its just a plain and simple question. But if you’ll take a look at it twice, if you’ll just read between the lines you’ll feel what I felt that time. The best pair is the one you really like. She is the best thing for you, she have everything you’ve been looking for in a girl but the thing is, she does not come in your size… you can’t be together or you are just not for each other. Would you pursue this love of yours even if it doesn’t fit? Would you force yourself for her love? Would you walk with that pair when you know in the end of the day you’ll end up with blisters on your hurting feet? Would you go all that trouble just to wear that pair?

Then here comes the follow-up question. Would you settle for the next thing? This person is the one who’s always there for you. Always there to comfort you. Always ready to love you and give herself to you. She’s always there waiting for you to even notice her an take her.

And so, I answered the question. i said that I’ll settle for the next best thing. I feel that my answer has been greatly influenced by my principles as an international relations major. Not getting the best thing doesn’t mean that you’ll be left empty-handed. Therefore, you should settle for your next best pay-off which is purchasing the next best pair.

Then she again followed another question up:
Q: what if you bought the next best thing and after a week when you got back to that store the pair that you really want is finally available in your size. Would you still settle for the next best pair that you hastily bought. Or go again for the best?

Then BOOM! I was suddenly speechless. She has a clear and direct point that left me with a wow! God! Aver hard question. let’s look at it in different views. Choosing the next best thing, which you now have, will not let you maximize your pay-offs or get the one that your heart really desires. You’ll be left with thoughts of, if I only I went for the one I really have. Next view is, you choosing the ONE, the one you really like, the one who has after a while finally became right for you, not ready to love you. Now that you got the one, the one that has been running in your dreams, what would you do with the next best pair that you hastily bought? Would you keep it? wear it sometime? Or simply just forget you ever bought it? that’s the problem you’ll just hurt the one who is willing to love you from the start, the one who has been there all these time the one who loves you with all her heart…. What would you do?

Then just now, while writing this a thought suddenly came into me.
Q: would you prefer loving someone and be hurt by her or being loved by someone and in hurting since you don’t love her back?

This question has been around for a very long time. and for me its really hard to answer. Mine is just derived from it. it goes:

Q: would you love someone who doesn’t love you back or being loved by someone whom you don’t love?

See, its really hard to answer but I think I have one for myself. For me, I think I’d choose the latter part. Coz, I have loved before. I loved her really really badly, with all my heart. The thing is, I wasn’t loved back. And its so hard. Its so so hard. I felt the pain. And of course you can’t do anything with it especially when his person is in love with someone else. I don’t’ want to be hurt again. I know my answer is really selfish and I cant do anything more. I choose the one who loves me. Now although I don’t love her… “natututunan naman ang magmahal” maybe I could learn to love her back. Its been a long time since I felt loved… get me? The thing is…what if, what if the one I love is finally able to love me back? SHIT! And I’m back on the start!

Love is a very tricky game. You never know if you’ll win or if you’ll lose! It’s a game of chance, a game of guts! You have to play using your instincts since the game of love doesn’t have rules. The prize of winning is the best thing life could give you but the penalty of losing is HELL!

Mr. Brightside posted its thoughts at 9:34 PM

[Thursday, March 09, 2006]

~wearing a mask

A mask is used to conceal what’s behind it. Masks come in different shapes, colors and sizes so as the ones who use it. People cover their faces with masks to hide their secrets only them know. But no secrets are left undiscovered. Sooner or later they will reveal themselves in their own ways and at their own times.

People wear masks because they are too scared to show the real them. to show who they really are. Let’s face it, everyone wears one. I strongly feel that no one has ever been true to themselves. What I mean, totally true. All of us have dirty little secrets. But why hide them. Its not about being scared, it’s about being embarrassed. we hide these secrets and wish that no one would ever find them. We’re embarrassed not of the secret but about what other people will think.

Every person is a critique and you can’t do anything about it. These people will look at you from head to toe and then there goes criticism. Yes even I. I am a very opinionated critique and I’ll say whatever I see. Its ok to be one the problem is, sometimes people exaggerate too much and the story becomes different from what it should really be. These critiques force people to hide their secrets and wear their masks.

But why do some value what other people should say? I mean, why do they let other people stop them from what they want or who they really are. Its because this is a dog eat dog world. You have to be strong. Any signs of weakness will allow these predators to eat you whole. Thus, you can’t show them who you really are. But this isn’t always the reason, this is just how I see it. also, people wear masks to blend in, a good way to hide their secrets. in our community, especially the conservative Filipinos, signs of being different send different sorts of messages. When the receiver interprets this the results show negativity. Especially the old ones, lets say 40 and above, everything that don’t follow traditions or norms are wrong, better yet… sinful. They have narrow minds and is hard for them the open them up and to accept changes in our society. As they always say, nothing is permanent in this world but change. And these changes happen so quickly that you should be the one to catch on.

Anyway, going back to what I was saying awhile ago. Masks. I was watching tv a couple of nights ago and there’s this person who finally revealed who he really is. Rustum Padilla. He’s been the talk of the town for some time now. He showed greater courage not by just telling it to the whole world but in accepting what he really is. He received so many praises from people from the industry. Rustum, who usually portray macho roles in films he did, finally admitted that he is gay. Well, even without admitting it, it is really obvious. Anyway, while he was admitting to the world he said that, here in the Philippines, if one is gay then, he should talk, walk, dress and act like a girl. Come to think of it. yeah! Only here. I watch will and grace and will being a gay guy doesn’t seem to be one. without know he is gay, I won’t suspect he is (just for the show I mean). Anyway, fab 5 from the queer eye, their gay but they are good dressers. Going back to rustum, he said that, “hindi ako masamng tao” this I don’t get! Maybe again for the traditional Filipino mind, being gay is bad. Well I guess we can’t do anything about that. You can’t be bad as long as you are being true to yourself and you are not on the way or stepping on others.

Well, I highly respect rustum for removing his mask. No one yet has ever “come out” on TV before rustum. He showed courage in doing it. well, at least that’s one done from people who wears masks. Before I finish this, I want to clear that by wearing a mask doesn’t mean you are gay or a lesbo. You can use that mask for different reasons like, your cheating on your girl, you are lying about yourself (background, personality etc), maybe a masks to keep your secret as being an extraterrestrial. Anyway, rustum is just an example I used for people who are wearing masks. Look around you, are you really sure that your friend, your seatmate in your algebra class, your girlfriend, your best friend, your sibling or your parents are being true to you. You’re not, right? Because its been like this for the longest time. Its human nature and it will take forever for everyone to completely remove theirs. And if ever that these masks are removed, lets just accept the person on who she or he really is. Let’s open our minds and accept changes. To end, I wanna leave the million dollar question… are you being true?

Mr. Brightside posted its thoughts at 7:39 PM

[Tuesday, February 28, 2006]
~another misadventure

yesterday was one of my worst and one of my most adventurous days in my life. the day started out in alabang, me and my friends decided that since ther's no class again we'd meet. anyways, i want to start with saying that we were all broke yesterday, yeah we had money in the start but since we decided to buy a few things we ended up having only a few.

the adventure started late in the afternoon, we decide to eat at delifrance, there all three of us shared in paying for the lasagna that we bought, mirienda: PHP 30 only! and for drinks we had tap water! haha next we went around the mall, i ended up buying a nice shirt after that we hung out at starbucks. anyway, it was the first time that na-umay ako sa water. we stayed there but we didn't buy anything. haha at the end of the tambay, we had 10 cups of free water "sankapa" i think its a record. at last we dicied to buy a frappe. and since we only had few cash left we again decided to share. we contributed 45 pesos each for a caramel frappe! haha. the thing is, we decide to buy something when we know that our ride is coming. by the way, the reason that we didn't buy anything in the first place because we were waiting for my friend's salary. which should be available by 3 in the afternoon.

anyway, after town, we went to manongs to have a few drinks. we were having a lot of fun eventhough we only have a few cash left. me: 100, coy: 10, celine:20 and tj:250. we only ordered few coz we were budgeting our money. also, we shared our 12 yosis left. each of us had 3 sticks nothing more! :( we even videos our misserable state and made fun of everything. i even made a prank that i wish i never did...

the fucking thing happend when i was bringing my friend to her ride. we were walking and suddenly the guard and the waiter was running after us. they told us that an object was missing, my heart started to pound because i thought that the object missing was the plate i placed in my friend's bag. me and my friends always do the prank everytime we go out. we place different objects in people's bags. from tongs, spoons, forks, seasoning, ashtray... everything on the table. and wait for them to notice it and then we laugh all together. anyway, i did the prank at the wrong place and at the wrong time.

going back, the guard and the waiter told us that a cellphone was missing . agirl suddenly popped out from nowhere and checked my friend's purse for her phone she said "i'm sorry for doing this but i you were the one with me in the bathroom where i lost my phone." right after my friend opened her bag, i remembered the plate that i put there, i suddenly grabed it and gave it to the waiter saying sorry that i forgot to remove it from there. odd looks cam,e rushing in. anyway, since the girl didn't find her phone in my friend's bag. she shifted the issue to the plate that was inside my friend's bag. bla bla bla. anyway, she asked my friend if who was she with inside the bathroom, we ended up going back to manong's to our friend. the girl said "no it wasn't her, kulot ung girl e" that hell, is she blind, no one has curly hair among my friends! anyway, the issue became the plate. her boyfriend said "mali ung ginawa niyo" which i admitted "and my brother owns this place" FUCK YOu! tha hell i care, your brother can own the whole of alabang and i still won't care. anyway, to forgo the issue of the plate, i went to the guy and apologized for the plate and said that we had nothing to do with your girlfriend's phone. the girl kept on blabbing and blabbing. finally a janitress talked to them saying that the phone was found in the bathroom inside the trashcan on the cubicle that the girl used "SERVED" with the phone on the girls hand she keeps on pressing that my friends stole her phone! what a bitch! anyway, after they left, the superviser came to us and apologized for the girl's behavior, he told us that she was just drunk and stuff. then we asked him if that guy's brother really owns the place... and guess what? the owner was just someone they know! there i was calm and thought that the issue regarding the plate was forgotten. we stood up, got the bill and headed for the car.

i was wrong. the guard called our attention regarding the plate, he asked for my name and number. thinking straight i gave him a different one. then we heade for the car to leave. without expecting, another problem came. my friend's car won't start! aargh how are we suppose to go home? anyway, he called his friend for a ride. we dropped my friend in festi since its near her house and dropped me and another friend in her house. my friend told me that she will be the one to bring me home. and so, we got her car and headed back to convergys, picked up another friend and went back to manong's to get his car fixed. we ended up not fixing the car. and so, my friens brought me home and that's how my day ended!

yesterday was a drag! i never thought that our little prank would produce a different effect. if only i haven't done it then i wouldn't let those shits acuuse us like that! AAARRRGGGHHH! why now! i could have done it in a different time! shit! also, it was just wrong for the girl to accuse people just like that without checking the bathroom twice! what a terrible night! from now on i promise that i wouldn't do that stupid prank ever again. anyway, going back to those two, how could they name drop! and worse the wrong info! what shits.

and so another adevnture took place in our lives! hope to have one again but not this type. at least a better and non embarassing one! hehe

Mr. Brightside posted its thoughts at 3:27 PM

[Sunday, February 26, 2006]

On our way to batangas yesterday, my friends told me the incident the night before. To start off, they invited us to an inuman in one of my friends house. Then this person we know got really fucked up from drinking almost everything he got his hands on to. Then the talkshit started. When this one of my friend’s friend came there, someone who reminds this fucked up friends of me, he started calling him KENNETH-DRINK

Anyway, for a history lesson, this kenneth-drink started in tagaytay. Me and friend went to tagaytay to eat and drink in one of my friend’s house. There I got tipsy/drunk early since I’m so tired the whole day. Another reason must be the stuff that we drunk. Pure gin and do you want to know what the chaser is? Beer! The fuck who won’t get drunk there anyway, I fell asleep and the next thing I knew they called me kenneth-drink (cannot drink).

Going back, this fucked up friends started calling this person kenneth-drink since he doesn’t drink too much. What’s worst is that this person started mocking me. Yes I admit that I have some sort of a habit, a mannerism in which I always blink. My friends told me that he started to irritatingly copy me. He told them that before talking, they should blink a couple of times and when they finished talking, they have to blink again. His so fucking drunk! What he want is that everybody should drink as much as him and get as fucked up as he is.

Its ok if it happened only once and in front of my friends, but the thing is, from the time he came to the time he left he kept on doing it and in front of people I don’t know! He is really shit. I used to have respect for him but now… I don’t know anymore, maybe when I see him I’ll just greet him but I’ll keep my distance. It so embarrassing not only for me but also to the other guy! For christ’s sake we don’t even know each other.

Other things also happened that night. He was also mocking my other friend. He also has this habit of winking, this fucked up friends said “supot ka isa lang, si ken dalawa” the fuck! Good thing this friend of mine is a patient with him maybe he just understood that this person is drunk! Anyway, there also this person that he called a rapist just because he looks like Hubert Webb! The guy who massacred the Vizcondes. Anyway he just started shouting “tangina ka rapist ka dapata nasa kulungan ka” to a person he doesn’t know! All his talkshit almost started a fight! Good thing that his friends dragged him to go home!

My friend who told me the story came up with a conclusion that can possibly be right. He’s insecure! At first you won’t even think that he is, he’s rich and can get whatever he likes. But then again, he doesn’t go to school and doesn’t have a direction in life. How pitiful. Maybe one day I’ll just look down over him and again… blink while saying fuck you! *lol* just kidding.

Regarding my friend who are in the inuman that night, at first I fell bad that they didn’t even bother stopping him and laughing with him, then when they told me they got irritated I felt that they are really my friends. But now that I’m writing these stuff, why did they laugh? I don’t know, they also do have their fair share of their own mannerisms. Well, I just wanna forget about it.

Alcohol does a lot of things, at first its ok, just to get rid of your stress and enjoy the night with your friends. But when you started taking too much, hell could fall down on you! You do stuff that you wouldn’t do otherwise. You would say things that would embarrass you! Worst of all is that people would get irritated, mad or could loose their respect for you! I think that drinking can be good as long as you can handle yourself, you should be a responsible drinker coz you yourself would be accountable for everything you do.. who else naman diba? Anyway, when drinking you should also think about the people who you are with. You don’t wanna do anything that might anger them and also when you get drunk are you sure they’ll take care of you or take you home? The bottom line is that, you should drink more that your capacity, don’t push yourself to the limit. Your not only doing yourself a favor but also the people around you.

Mr. Brightside posted its thoughts at 11:09 PM

~another escapade

Well, me and my friends went to the beach yesterday. It was ok. The beach isn’t what I expected it to be. First, the resort isn’t that nice, since its cheap. Next, I don’t like the shore, its too near narrow. What I mean is I think the shore is about 2-2 ½ meters only in some places. That’s why we have to walk a very long walk just to get to the btter part of the beach. Next, the water isn’t that clean and there are mosses if not seaweeds all over. Lastly, I don’t like the crowd. The place is so packed with different kinds of people. I mean people from different walks of life.

In the end, so what if I don’t like the place, shore, water and people. What’s important is I’m with my friends and we had fun. We haven’t done this in a long while. We roasted ourselves, plunged in the cold water and sang the afternoon away. VIDEOKE! It was fun and I didn’t spend too much I think its less that 300… now that’s a good deal!

Mr. Brightside posted its thoughts at 11:05 PM

~(window) shopping

My family and went to alabang last Friday coz classes are cancelled and its so boring at home. There I was my friends and we hung out together the whole afternoon. Good thing that I saw her coz if not, I’d still be bored with my family…*lol* anyway, we didn’t want to just stay in one place so we ended up window shopping.

We first entered stoked, I like the place I mean the stuff that they sell. Next we went to U then, one by one, we went to all the high end boutiques in corte de los palmas. When we got tired we ended up in starbucks, as usual. We waited for our friends to came and we continued our small trip around the mall.

With all those window shopping me and my friend both ended up having a quite long wish list:

*paco rabanne cologne
*kenneth cole reversible belt
*flip flops: billabong and havaianas
*Springfield stuff
*lacoste shirt: black shirt with a blue collar
*calvin klein wallet ( cheap lang siya)
*and so MUCH MORE!

The afternoon was great, I had fun. Its something new for me, for us. When me and my friends head town, we just stay in starbucks and let time pass us by. I ended up buying a headwear in Springfield… I really like it.

Mr. Brightside posted its thoughts at 11:03 PM

[Wednesday, February 22, 2006]
~How barkada works

The word barkada says it all, it doesn’t need an explanation. Kabarkadas are the people you know with all of your heart. You know them body, soul and spirit. You’ve been together for the longest of time. They are the people you meet and stay forever.

I met mine when I was in high school and we’ve been together ever since. I can strongly say that I know some of them, inside-out. Sometimes, I even can read their minds and predict their moves. As if we are one. we are very very close. I can say that they made my high school life worth living. We share a lot of things; thoughts, interests, secrets and even problems. I think that’s why they are there. They anchor you when you need someone to be there for you, a back to lean on and a shoulder to cry on. They hold you down when encountering problems and keep you up when in times of fun. But since our barakada is quite huge, not all of us are compatible. What I mean is that, some personalities clash and when they do… BOOM! And there goes kampihan. That’s why in every barkada, there are small groups or alliances formed and there’s the core and the periphery… get me?

Of course as with everyone else, we encounter some problems. but in the end we still manage to laugh everything off. I mean, that’s what friends are for right? *cheeezy* hahaha anyway, you do your best to resolve any problems so it wont get worst. And so you spare the friendship that you’ve been building for the longest of time.

I was talking with a friend this afternoon when he told me stuff he is encountering with his friends right now. Well, ill not tell the whole story anymore. Anyway, the thing is when stories spread, the problem comes in. Also the bigger problem is that when the story is altered. HAAAAYYYY it always happens when stories are passed so it transform into a more colorful story which worsens the problem. Also, the fact that someone believed the story even if he is not sure it is true.

Well, that’s how friendship works, one day you’re fine and the next you’re not. It’s a cycle But as long as you put that extra effort to make everything alright, then there’s no problem and expect that you’ll last a lifetime.

Mr. Brightside posted its thoughts at 12:59 AM

[Monday, February 20, 2006]
~keeps getting smaller everyday

The vast space of land and water, the place we call earth, keeps getting smaller as you travel every continent, tour every city, experience new stuff and most off all meet different kinds of people. I realized more that your don’t have to go far to make to realize that the world is getting smaller. It comes when you least expect it. And that’s what makes it interesting, exciting and fun.

I went out last Friday for a drink with my friends, the real plan was in Beluga and just the three of us. We ended up in RGM with a lot of people. I can call this the first time I went out with yuppies (young professionals). Although they have a different level of fun and thinking we seem to get along very well. Anyways, we got there around 12:30 and tipsy. Again as any normal gmik, “inom ulit.”

I saw this girl, my friend’s friend, which is very familiar to me. I didn’t know if I met her somewhere or as I’ve said a familiar face…but from where? Anyway, I found out that she is the older sister of my other friend. Then we talked and talked and talked. Then she asked me if where do I live. I told her the place and then with no idea at all she told me “ulul! Are you serious?” to my surprise she had been inside my house two times… for a prayer meeting! The hell! And her boyfriend had been a student of my tito’s girlfriend… that’s it tamad na ko!

The night came to an end. It was a fun night. I met and hung out with new people older than me, which for me is new. And the world again became a little smaller for me and everone else. sometimes i feel that there's a string or something that binds us all and keeps us connected, we just don't know to whom we are connected to right? anyway, somebody told me that everyone is connected to everyone within a small number of degrees, i think if not four, five. oi just don't know. anyway, i hope to meet more poeple and learn new stuff, its one of the reasons that make life interesting and worth living .

Mr. Brightside posted its thoughts at 12:19 AM

[Thursday, February 16, 2006]
~the ride

my day was completed by you
everything you are, are so true
minutes are felt like a second
i wish the trip never came to an end

your voice sounds like an angel
who just saved my day from hell
your smile shone brightly in the dark
where in my heart it left a mark

how i wish i could extend the ride
in where you are right by my side
if only my heart could be listened to
the only thing its shouting is you

Mr. Brightside posted its thoughts at 11:12 PM

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